Just recently, in an online discussion about what one should wear to the 2013 Digital Parent’s Conference I was tweet-mocked about the outfit I chose to wear to the 2012 Conference and, disappointingly, the most hurtful and derogatory comment came from the Digital Parents Australia twitter handle itself.
Here is my attempt at a screen capture so you can see just how humiliating the whole exchange was –
Okay, so reading back on it has revealed to me that there was no real malice in the conversation at all but the fact remains that I stood out because I was the only one in jeans and a t-shirt. And the fact also remains that I rushed out to Uni Hill Factory Outlets today – with three year old Tyson and eighteen month old Maki in toe – to buy some nicer clothes, simply because of the shame I felt due to the mockery I imagined in the conversation above that I now recognise as being quite friendly and… well, endearing and sweet.
As you’d imagine the shopping experience itself was sheer hell due to crazy young children and a panicked grown man who’s clothes shopping experience amounts to waving goodbye to his wife as she heads off to the shops with the specific instructions to ‘get me a pair of jeans and a twelve pack of jocks.’
I got in and out of Uni HIll Factory Outlets visiting only two clothes shops. First stop was Rivers where I bought a nice top I’ve modelled here.
As you can see it’s green with short sleeves and has a pocket on the left breast which is purely and annoyingly decorative. I was mostly taken by the fact that it has two inches of pretend white t-shirt around the neck which will make all those namby-pamby fashion experts at the conference think I’d gone to the effort to put on two things that actually match. I’ll be wearing this piece on day one of the conference where I’ll be on a panel with Bucky and Chubba from Tackle Nappy called ‘Hail The Daddy Bloggers’.
The next piece of clothery I purchased was from a lovely shop called GLOWEAVE. I was in this shop for a record breaking six-and-a-half minutes and would have run screaming childless and mindless for the escalators if it wasn’t for the soothing help of owner Vicki. She talked me through several shirts, whispered patiently to my gorgeous boys as they were tearing valuable stock from her hangers, and coached me towards this show-stopping item –
You’ll notice first the many pinky-red stripes that run vertically down the shirt because I certainly did and mentioned to Vicki that it looked kinda like a table-cloth that my Nana used to own. She assured me that everyone was wearing shit like this these days.
I was a little hesitant until I noted something spine-tingling. On both sides of the shirt, right at the hip, is the same inch and a bit of fake white t-shirt that sits in the collar of the green number I bought from Rivers. I don’t believe in coincidence, fellow shoppers. I believe every purchase happens for a reason. So when I saw that these two random shirts – out of about a thousand others at Uni Hlll Factory Outlets – had the same fake white t-shirt on them, I knew I’d hit conference fashion gold.
I’ll be wearing this nifty number for day two of the conference where I’ll be chairing a panel discussion featuring Woogs World, Where’s My Glow and Retro Mummy on dealing with trolling and hate mail. Then I’ll keep on wearing it right through to the gala night for a party that will be featuring me heavily.
In between days, while I’m sleeping, I’ll be wearing a pair of Geelong Football Club boxer shorts (silky) and a blue t-shirt (I found on a football ground).
I’ve had Reservoir Dad written on it because I sleep walk. If you see me walking around could you take me by the arm and place me back in my bed in my hotel room. (Just remember to do it very gently, if I’m startled from sleep I tend to bust out dance moves that can last for hours. To complete this warning I’ve attached a video, below this post, of what happened the last time Reservoir Mum woke me in the middle a sleep walking session.)
So there you go. I’m sitting sweet with some smooth threads and should be turning heads this Wednesday and Thursday! If you’re heading to the conference I’ll see you there. I’m not very good with names so please say, ‘G’day Reservoir Dad, I’m… (who you are). It won’t be awkward because we can talk fashion now. If you’re not going to the conference hang by the internet. I’ll be Facebooking (page here)and Tweeting and maybe posting a thing or two