When I kicked off the Mentally Sexy Competition early last year I wrote ‘The Mentally Sexy Manifesto’ which I hoped would lace a dose of humor with some truths about maintaining passion in long term relationships. The article, first published by Joe Schatz at Dad-Blogs, was more controversial than I expected but the group gathering around the competition had a bit of fun with the idea and we attracted entries with men cleaning toilets, doing laundry, cleaning windows etc.
A debate began to grow that the comp was about ‘sex as a reward’ which Maureen Matthews responded to with an article here at Reservoir Dad, and Damon Young addressed in another article at Mia Freedman’s wesbite Mammamia.
From this discussion the Mentally Sexy concept expanded and developed until it covered so many aspects of long term relationships – overcoming gender role stereotypes, a Dad’s role in raising children, maintaining passion in relationships, the undervaluing of the caring role etc. The entries began to develop to show Dads involved with parenting, sacrificing their needs willingly for the betterment and enjoyment of their families, and women began to send in entries talking about how proud they were of their husbands.
And that’s where we find ourselves. The Mentally Sexy Competition in 2011 encompases all those things and yet can be summed up simply in this quote by Damon Young – ‘celebrating a broader view of masculinity’.
Although I think the competition has developed brilliantly I would hate to lose the humorous edge. I liked the rawness of the early stages of the compeition, the crazy entries featuring Dads in underwear with toilet brushes raised and a wink for the wife. I think the fun can work with the serious message. So to hold on to that I’m going to publish the Most Mentally Sexy Manifesto here for the first time. And if you’d like some underwear with your entry… you know who to call.
The Mentally Sexy Manifesto
There was a time, Dads, when Mentally Sexy activities happened between kills and included making up cool animal dances around the fire, cave painting and fashioning pieces of wood into spears. The women of the time loved it but times have changed and we can no longer rely on our whittling skills to drive them into a lusty frenzy. We can’t even rely on ‘bringing home the bacon’ as the number one complaint of many wives these days is that they’re husbands don’t do enough housework and child-rearing.
Don’t get disheartened. This is just an example of how our environment can change and it’s nothing to get freaked out about and we just have to open our minds, dig deep and adapt if we are going to continue to present an irresistible package to our spouses and provide the passionate foundation for a long, happy marriage.
No surprise that several studies have found that the couples who report being the happiest are those that have sex more often. No surprise again that those couples who have sex most often are those that report being the happiest. This is a vicious and joyous cycle and we can get caught up in it, Dads, if we become aware of and accept a very simple rule – where sex is concerned women are the ones, in the majority of cases, who give the final nod of approval.
This can be viewed as unfortunate because women have (what most men would call) the frustrating characteristic of allowing daily issues to overwhelm and dampen the sexual drive. Men, on the other hand, honour the sexual drive by keeping it entirely separate from such dampening issues as body image, housework, stress, illness, finances etc. Yes, most men enjoy a good talk and some emotional bonding and a clean house and a semi-organized life and happy children and the absence of illness and poverty, but we do not allow those things to cross boundaries – to any large degree – with our desire and love of sex.
A man, at the end of the day, lying next to his partner without having really had time to talk or emotionally bond and aware of the fact that the house is a mess and that his children had spent more minutes in time-out than time-in while also battling a severe head cold and storing his very last dollar under his pillow, will still engage – joyously, enthusiastically, passionately – in marital relations with his wife if the offer is on the table.
Our focus on sex stands like a lighthouse in the centre of our minds and reaches all corners of our outside world, allowing nothing around it to even cast a shadow. The same illuminating potential does exist within the woman but daily occurrences and worries and concerns can stick to their lighthouse windows like flies to fly-paper and the end result can be a much weaker beam of light, and if left unattended for too long, a light that has no ability to shine into their life at all.
This is where we come in, Dads, and this is one of the cornerstones of Mentally Sexy. If we strive to contrubute to the household chores and do our share of the less endearing child-rearing activities, our wives will feel supported and desired and – thanks also to the free time you’ve created together – their lighthouse will shine brightly to illuminate their world and reveal you, again, in all your natural sexiness.
The days of killing a beast and lolling around the campfire are over. Life is more complicated, busier and cluttered. As Simon, our first contestant in the search for The Most Mentally Sexy Dad, said, we need to un-clutter our wives minds by adapting to our environment and doing dishes, changing nappies, listening (really, really listening) to the things they have to say, anticipating their needs… the list can go on indefinitely and is different for every couple but one thing is true for all husbands – we must remain forever vigilant. We must treat our wives like a Knight treats a Queen.
If you follow the path of the Mentally Sexy, Dads, the rewards will follow. The uncluttered mind of your wife will shine its light on you more often and bring the possibility of many sexual rewards and the more sex you have the happier you will both become and the happier you both become the more sex you will have.
If you feel the urge to whisper Pussy-Whipped while contemplating these ideas I urge you to stop pretending that it’s a bad thing and turn that whisper into a prideful scream. Punch your fist in the air and scream PUSSY-WHIPPED with as much passion as Mel Gibson yelled FREEDOOOOM in the classic, Braveheart. There is nothing manlier than a man who gives his life to his Queen.
Come with us, Dads. Get lost in this viscous, joyous circle. Make you wife your Queen. Make her the centre of your life, again. Cultivate the mind of the Mentally Sexy.
Understanding that men like competition and to encourage more men to join this Mentally Sexy revolution Reservoir Dad is now running a competition to find The Most Mentally Sexy Dad.
The stakes don’t get any higher. Battle hard, for although contentment and happiness will come to all who follow this path, glory – Dads – is only for the winner.