The Blog

Chocolate Eggs And Undies In A Fruit Bowl

We’re deep into the Easter Holidays and have just returned to my Mum and Dad’s Mortlake home after visiting long term friends Scratch and Kelly, thirty minutes down the road in Warrnambool. It’s Saturday night and the Easter Bunny has only just started greasing his...

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Fanging It Friday 6

If you're a regular fanger - a person who belts out their favorite tunes while cruising their local streets - but haven't heard of Fanging It Friday, catchup on the background here. There's been a bit of a lag in the Fanging It Friday series but that's only because...

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Best Australian Food Blogger – Recipe 1

I know it’s a big call to announce yourself as Australia’s Best Food Blogger in the world. Foodie numbers are increasing at such a rate that soon Tony Abbott and Andrew Bolt will have to stop screaming stop the boat people and start screaming stop the food bloggers....

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Take That!

We found ourselves wandering through an unfamiliar backyard when Maki, Tyson, Lewis and Archie just happened to sit on the classy park bench like they’d been choreographing the scene for months and I said, ‘Hey RM, have you been taking the boys to flash mob classes or...

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Chicken. And Being Offensive To Women

Because RM has been eating a lot of hormonally enhanced chicken lately we cut our usual nightly work hours short and head for bed early to allow plenty of time for sex, but just as I’m half way through a slow strip tease that emphasizes the parts of men that women are...

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Go Go Gogurt Rain Man

‘Dad,’ Archie says, as we’re driving towards Primary School. ‘Has this ever happened to you?’ ‘What Arch?’ ‘When we were at the Kite Festival the ice cream lady asked me if I wanted my ice cream in a cup or in a cone and I said, um, in a cup please but she just kept...

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Raining On My Parade

November 2009 Like a double rainbow that reaches right across the sky, the perfect days come to lift your chin towards the smile of the Gods and when you look back down again there are medals of valor and honor and effort taking up so much of your food and spew-and...

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Writing For Studio Bambini Magazine

Back when Australia's oldest children's fashion and lifestyle magazine Studio Bambini put out their first issue I was a very fashion conscious young boy developing into a fashion conscious man. So it feels like fate intervened just recently to offer me the chance to...

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The Elusive and Anonymous Voir!

If there’s anything or anyone more anonymous and elusive than the anonymous and elusive Voir of Voir Tales then it is a completely unknowable thing because Voir – like gravity or tinnitus – only reveals himself to one of the five senses. Voir is a thing that can only...

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A Toilet Training Dilemma

We toilet trained Archie while on holiday in Queensland when he was two and a half. He lived nude for two weeks in the warm weather and roamed the apartment depositing his fluids and solids onto the tiled floors with a crude kind of freedom us adults can only dream...

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My Wife Or My Laptop

It’s Friday night and the last of our four boys has finally drifted off to sleep and within seconds I’ve hooked up a USB slide show of Hugh Jackman stills to the Plasma TV. Although I still have visible abs – under the right lighting and at a particular angle – and a...

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My Mum Has An Idea

A conversation, over the phone, with my Mum (People mentioned – Lewis, my 7yo son. Cally, my sister. Rohan, my brother in law. Dad, my Dad. Ollie, my Mum’s chihauhau.) ~~ RD: Hey Mum, how’s things? M: Good mate, how are ya? How’s RM and the boys? RD: They’re good....

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The Parents’ Debriefing Post!

This is the Parents' Debriefing Post for stay at home Mums and Dads to unload about the tougher days, knowing they're among people who understand. There is no need to qualify rants with 'but I love my children...' or 'but I wouldn't change it for anything...' etc. We...

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Tarago Crash Investigation

We're an hour and a half into a three hour trip to my Mum and Dad's house in the country where we'll be staying from Boxing Day to New Year's Eve and, excluding the nappy Maki threw out the window, it's been a relatively smooth ride. 'Look Mum,' Tyson says, from...

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Fanging It Friday # 5

Keeping it short and sweet this week. If you're a regular fanger - a person who belts out their favorite tunes while cruising their local streets - but haven't heard of Fanging It Friday, catchup on the background here. Before we head on to this week's Fanging It song...

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Fanging It Friday # 4

Singing in the car is as transformative as a good pedicure, wax and facial deal at your local day spa. There I said it... And if you're a regular Fanger like me then it goes without saying that you'd love a massive pulsing nightlight with your name on it so that you...

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Is It Harder To Be A Man Or A Woman?

Just as I sit down to summon the muse and write a story, I remember how much Reservoir Mum and I laughed when I said, ‘Being a woman wouldn’t be that hard’ because it was so ridiculously untrue that it was hilarious to even say it. It’s as funny as saying, Bears...

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Fanging It Friday # 3

Because I was feeling a little emotional this week and was worried the requested song would elicit some tears I decided to go fang it around Bundoora Park away from the prying eyes of the regular Melbourne traffic goers who have been giving me some strange looks of...

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The Darebin Creek Bike Ride Of Death

‘We’ll just get on the Darebin Creek Bike path,’ I tell Archie and Lewis. ‘And let the Gods decide our destination.’ A Pictorial... The sun is at its searing best as we take our usual entrance through the KP Hardiman Reserve to the Darebin creek and we’re over fifteen...

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Both Amorous And Sad

The usual Friday Date Night had to be postponed due to a rendezvous I'd been roped into with ex work mates at the Peacock Hotel and then Reservoir Mum had to head over to Adelaide for her cousin's engagement party, leaving Saturday morning and not returning till...

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Kids Are Bad For Your Bowels

I was busting to go to the toilet but kept getting distracted by Maki who needed a nappy change and some food and then some comfort after being freaked out by a bug and Lewis was in one of his moods and wouldn’t get dressed and Archie was asking to play Minecraft...

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Fanging It Friday # 1

*Click on the photo to see the adult sized version of Tyson the mini bogan. Every period of time has a significant event or moment that comes to define it. Gutenberg's invention of the printing press in 1440, the release of the Etcha-sketch in 1959, the soft thud of a...

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Born To Mime

Never having played an instrument and about as capable of singing as I am of having my teeth drilled without gripping the arm rests of the dentist’s chair, it’s a strange thing to be so affected by music. The Beginning Of 'Fanging It Friday'! Ballads make me teary and...

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The Underlying Hum (A Dedication)

The Tarago is packed tight with bags and bikes, two parents, four kids and a dog and we’re cruising the Princes highway bound for Ocean Grove for a week’s stay in a fully furnished holiday house right by the beach but there’s an underlying hum to every thought, plan...

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Why Sleep Deprivation Is Sexy

They say power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but I don't know. That might be true for nineteen year old White House interns, or a drug-addled Marylin Monroe, but even if you combine the ruggedly handsome looks of Clive Palmer with the calm authority and sexy voice of...

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So I Never Use Her Toothbrush Again…

'Oh my God,' RM says, walking into the bedroom holding up the yellow toothbrush. 'You used this again? This is MY toothbrush!' 'Yes,' I say, cowering. 'I told you that just last night!' 'I know,' I say. 'But I couldn't remember if you screamed yellow or green.' My...

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Movies 2013 + Bloopers Reel

2013 was the year I pushed myself into vlogging and am pleased to say that through all the experimentation and mistakes I made a few videos that were appreciated and heavily shared. Next year I'm looking to make it a more regular part of the blog and to push harder on...

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In Myself’s Thoughts This Christmas

If you’re into buying yourself Christmas presents you’ll know, as I do, that it’s a very rewarding exercise. Shopping is always a lot more fun when you’re getting something for yourself, and the chance you’ll open a present you bought for yourself that you don’t like...

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A Strange Magic

Reservoir Mum and Maki and I have just arrived for Tyson' kindergarten Christmas concert and there are eighteen four-year-old kids smacked-out on candy cane juice and dozens of parents swooning over their offspring as they guide them towards a significant transition...

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Spotlight 2 – A Hot Cup Of…

The bloke who served me my coffee this morning scratched his left nipple three times. The third time he really lingered on it and grimaced. I'm not certain... but as I turned to walk away I thought I saw a wet spot on his shirt. I felt just a little bit ill and... the...

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The Christmas Balls Are Smashing

‘This is really crazy because I love Christmas so much,’ I say to Reservoir Mum, as Lewis and I aim for the Christmas tree and fling streamers over the heads of his three ornament-scrambling brothers. ‘But I can’t remember any of my childhood Christmases until I was...

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