The Blog

Anti-Rhythm

I’m lying in bed next to Reservoir Mum. I have a book opened but turned over on the doona and I’m listening to the ensuite shower as it drips repetitively, every five seconds or so, almost motivated enough to get out of bed to stop it, but kind of enjoying it’s...

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The Camp Nurse

I’ve just jack-knifed the Tarago into the curb outside the boy’s primary school and – despite being suddenly struck down by a perilous illness – I manage to open the door, stumble out, wave goodbye to Lewis, Tyson and follow up my scream of ‘Have a great day boys!’...

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Imperial March

It’s 7am, the weather is slowly turning and for the first time this year I’m standing in the hallway, shivering. I’m only wearing RD underwear and a tank top too tight for public viewing (it not only reveals the visible definition of my lower abdominal muscle but also...

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RD’s Back (so watch out RM…)

‘I think I’m going to revive Reservoir Dad,’ I say to RM, who’s leaning on to the kitchen bench, tapping into her work laptop, stretching her hips to the left and right, chewing on some cashews, obviously trying to turn me on. ‘He was dead?’ she says. ‘He’s been...

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Harry Vaughan (Pop) 1928 – 2017

I’m keeping this brief, Pop, because I know that’s what you wanted. And I’m honoring your wishes even though I’d like to create a more worthy ‘song and dance’. You’ve always baulked public attention and avoided any kind of fuss made in your direction. I noticed right...

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Maki: Centre Stage

Happy Fifth Birthday! Maki, Five years is not long at all, really, but there’s this strange thing that happens whenever I think of you. Time fades and the years merge and even when I’m way back inside my memory, as far as I can go, or as forward into the future as I...

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The In-Betweens

I’m a smiling melancholic driving through the suburbs with no real destination in mind and a quick look in the rear vision mirror reminds me that I’m all by myself with six empty seats behind me and that in itself is a sign that the times are changing. Archie Lewis...

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The Assistant

"She held me spellbound in the night, Dancing shadows and firelight..." ~ Witchy Woman, the Eagles A really great Date Night where RM and I laid on our giant Ottoman together drinking and eating and basking in the glare of the Plasma as we watched Boy Meets Girl on...

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What Men Talk About In Gyms # 3

We’re approaching the end of our regular Wednesday night weight session in my home gym and after some bench pressing madness and some heavy sets of 5 on the Pendlay Rows, Greeny heads home and there’s only friend and Psychologist Nige and I left, finishing off the...

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The Post Baby Blues

I’m washing our slick new fry-pans with slow circular strokes and listening to Together In Electric Dreams, because it fits with my low mood, when RM sidles up behind me and holds her iPhone out with a video already queued and playing. I’ve been down since we returned...

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The Jackson Four

RM and I are sitting in the school’s media room and we’ve just watched and clapped Archie and Lewis’s performance at their mini piano concert and right at this very minute Tyson’s playing 'Hot Cross Buns' on the piano in front of teachers, parents and sixty of his...

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‘Meet Me In The Middle Of The Night…

 …and let me hear you say everything's alright' ~ Romeo's Tune, Steve Forbert ~~ I’ve been feeding my need for melodrama with Bob Seger and Cyndi Lauper and Johnny Hates Jazz and it’s that – as much as my concern for Reservoir Mum – that’s led me to write some...

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The Undead Possum

Uncle Dave’s taking Tyson and Maki on a special trip to the park with cousin Dylan and so Reservoir Mum and I are out front helping him to buckle the kids into their booster seats when I notice a man – early twenties, black jeans, designer jacket – standing on our...

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The House Keeper Diaries – Entry Two

It’s 7.50am and I’m streaming 70s-80s-90s classics from YouTube to the Plasma to give myself some disco-burn and to blanket some of the noise coming from the raging Archie-Lewis-Tyson-Maki cacophony because they’re really working me over this morning.  Shika, who’s...

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It’s Cold on the Porch

The boys are in bed after beating me in Uno for the seventh night in a row. I’m sore as hell from upping my weights in the gym and can hardly turn around to look at my glutes in the mirror. I can’t stop our dog Ekko from pissing all over our concreted backyard. I...

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Here For Me

There’s the buzz of the fridge and then the wind is gusty outside our home and during the times it dies away I can hear cars in the distance and think of the people inside them; the families they might be driving towards or away from; the suburbs filled with thousands...

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Up Yours

Twenty-five years of terrorising my whiny body into submission through my sport of choice, powerlifting, combined with ten years of bed-hopping onto the wafer-thin mattresses of my night-walking children has overlapped thirty years of writing at desks and tables and...

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Body Image Issues and the Best of My Love

Last night I made all the school lunches and packed the bags and had just about everything ready to go so I have no idea why we’re on the verge of running late right now.  It’s 8.37am and if we don’t board the Tarago in the next ten minutes I’ll miss the late hour...

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The Very Happy Guinea Pig Named Feliz

It’s 10.30pm and I’ve just about finished making the school lunches for tomorrow and I’m chuckling, a little disbelieving, at a report I just heard on the radio. A study has found, apparently, that sixty per cent of women over forty have a low sex drive and no longer...

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Le Freak, the SPD Steed

Maki’s waving a domino in the air like it’s as valuable as a backstage pass to a Rick Astley concert and running ahead, semi-sliding across the muddied-up grassy expanse between the school buildings and the play equipment. I’m shouting ‘slow down Maki’ with the rhythm...

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A Belated Mother’s Day Present

Dear Reservoir Mum, I love watching Lewis play Under 9s footy, even at 8.30 in the morning, but that was some seriously tumultuous weather.  The fact that Lewis seemed to have a great time is not the only factor to take into account here.  The wind was giving the rain...

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Amazed, Forgiven, Happy

It’s 1.55pm Friday afternoon and I’ve been fanging the Tarago through red lights and overtaking trams into oncoming traffic and generally shitting myself while singing Queen's Radio Gah-Gah  – which is on repeat – to keep three year old Maki from focussing on his park...

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Lining the Pockets of a Monster?

My latest article for News.com.au. Here's a snippet: Long before he stepped in the ring yesterday, promoters, commentators, reporters, and even many spectators, knew about Mayweather's shocking history of beating up women, seven of them by some estimates. They knew of...

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Bewildered By Our Luck

We’re smack bang in the middle of the mad morning rush and Reservoir Mum is dressed in her corporate garb and pursing her lips at me for a goodbye kiss and its as our mouths press together to combine my undiluted hell-pit morning breath with her world-ready minty...

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About The Northern Dads Group

For all inquiries into The Northern Dads Group please email reservoirdad@gmail.com and visit the Northern Dads Facebook Page. Return to this tab for more articles and posts and general chit-chat. ~~ The Northern Dads Group was established back in the year 2000 when a...

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The Self-Examination Diaries: Entry One

Oh my God. I’m forty one. And even though my abs remain stubbornly visible, and despite a recent survey of two people confirming that my erections over the past year have been some of my hardest ever, I cannot deny the obvious signs of aging – I’m listening to Radio...

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Male Under Review

Trent’s a councillor comedian and George is a biophysicist currently working at the Zoo and I’m a bald pinkish writer unsure of where I fit on the autistic spectrum because I’ve never been tested and this meeting we’ve organised could amount to something; something...

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Farewell Old Coles: A Party To Remember

BUMP!! The new Summerhill Shopping Centre with its Coles and Kmart and Aldi and Brumby's Bakery, which opened yesterday, is really going to bring the Reservoir/Kingsbury area into the realm of 'UPPER CLASS'. I'm going to show you how next week. But before that I...

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The Gold in the Stream

From the book Reservoir Dad. We’re leaving the Anglesea Holiday Park early tomorrow after a week-long holiday. We’ve been staying in a small cabin with four bunk beds in one room and a double bed in the other. It’s a little cramped but the kids have had a lot of fun,...

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Fashion Parade Rage

From the book Reservoir Dad. When I first started making sweet potato crisps it was 7.30am and now it’s 8.15am and almost time to take Archie to school and Lewis to kinder. Reservoir Mum appears from the bedroom holding Maki to her spew-protected shoulder to say,...

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Dwaynesford

We've dropped Tyson and Maki at the in-laws in Melbourne and Archie and Lewis at Aunty Jo's in Lara and we're on our way, Tania and I, towards a child-free weekend to celebrate Tania's 40th birthday. And because this will be the first time we've spent two consecutive...

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