‘Oh my God,’ RM says, walking into the bedroom holding up the yellow toothbrush. ‘You used this again? This is MY toothbrush!’

‘Yes,’ I say, cowering.

‘I told you that just last night!’

‘I know,’ I say. ‘But I couldn’t remember if you screamed yellow or green.’

My toothbrush is YELLOW,’ she screams. ‘If you forget again just ask.’

‘I won’t need to,’ I say. ‘Because I’m blogging this conversation so I’ll always remember MY TOOTHBRUSH IS FUCKING GREEN!’*

*Please help this post to go viral so I’ll never use RM’s toothbrush again.