“It may be the cock that crows, but it’s the hen that lays the eggs” ~ Margaret Thatcher


After coming home from work several hours ago RM sowed the seeds of (s)expectation by pulling on my belt buckle and whispering, ‘Got anything in there for me?’ But now it’s getting late and she’s still in the computer room working.

‘Hey,’ I say. ‘You going to be much longer?’

‘Hmm, maybe twenty minutes?’ she says.

‘Okay, I’ll stop writing and go have a shower, prepare myself for you. I was just thinking about Katy Perry dressed like a cave woman.’

‘Katy Perry?’ she says, actually swivelling around in the computer chair. ‘Again?’

‘Yeah, I know…’

‘I don’t really like her.’

‘I know but… I don’t like Channing Tatum that much either. He looks like a little boy. But I’m okay with you two bobsledding through the ice-tracks of your mind together.’

‘I know but… Katy Perry? She’s not even really talented. If you fantasised about Pink I’d understand because she’s more unique and….’

‘I really like Pink. She’s great. I’m just not that attracted to her. How about Beyoncé? She’s hot and talented.’

‘Bit better.’

‘Okay, I’ll give Beyoncé a go then… but what if Katy just pops up? I still want to be able to tell you about it. I mean, what’s happening here? Are we becoming like those couples who keep their turn-ons a secret from each other? Do we really want that?’

RM smirks a little and then turns back to the computer. ‘Maybe you could just skip telling me about that one particular turn-on.’

‘Well,’ I say, a little huffy. ‘Maybe you should let Channing Tatum take the next luge out of your mind and think about a man I like. You could fantasise about… Clint Eastwood! He is SO cool.’

‘Ugh,’ RM says.

‘Okay, how about this,’ I say, pulling back on the huffy, trying to be reasonable. ‘I’ll just think up another name for Katy Perry and use that name when I’m thinking about her and then you’ll never know it’s her…’

‘What a great idea,’ RM says. ‘You could call her Kerry Pattison. Then I’ll really lose the scent.’

‘Hardy-ha. I could call her… um… Jane… Smithery… or… how about Margaret Thatcher?’

‘Margaret Thatcher. Yes.’

‘Yeah! She was a powerful woman… and for me that’s a prerequisite.’


‘Sorted then?’


‘Right. Seeya under the covers in twenty minutes. Dress appropriately because Margaret will be wearing a cave girl costume and singing Roar.’

‘Yeah well,’ RM says. ‘Flannery Lakem won’t be wearing anything…’