I’ve heard it said several times that what’s unique about The Mentally Sexy Competition is that it’s about men being sexier to their partners. Other competitions have pitted men against each other for the appreciation of the anonymous public. Men who entered the Hottest Tradie Competition for example were vying for the approval of strangers and while they’re entitled to do their best to incite lust in anyone they please, I think there’s something warmer, more noble and far more rewarding about doing your best to incite lust in the one you love best.
Yeah, incite is probably not the right word. The Mentally Sexy Man, as opposed to the mentally obese man (thanks Nigel for that term), realizes that most women need a certain amount of mental space for their natural sexual energy to rise up and take its place in the world and, unfortunately, that space is easily crowded out and claimed by a whole host of worries and concerns.
Maintaining a level of passion in a long-term relationship takes effort by both people involved and because men and women seem to be just a little different, the effort will most likely have to be expressed in different ways. Mentally Sexy Judge and Sex and Relationship writer for The Sunday Age, Maureen Matthews, says that it’s higher levels of testosterone that put sex to the forefront of men’s minds, regardless of what’s going on around them, and lower levels of testosterone in women which allow thoughts of sex to be easily shunted aside by daily stressors including (but not limited to) everything. She says men need to do their best to remove some of these stressors and women need to make a commitment to focus on sex more often (which they will find creates a desire for even more sex) and in this way we can both work together to account for male/female differences and maintain passion for each other as the years pass by.
So, as men in long-term relationships we can do our bit to allow for an increase in passion by doing simple things such as doing our share of cleaning, daily chores, child-rearing tasks and clear some space in the complicated minds of our partners so that their natural lust for us can be realised. Instead of seeing their men as just another stress in a stressful day they see us as their buffed-up partner in a pair of Mentally Sexy Underwear.
Sound too simple? It might be, but I’ll tell you something I know – a woman who is feeling supported and loved by her partner is much more likely to feel sexually motivated and passionate about her partner than a woman who’s stressed and ignored and overworked. And passion’s the key. Couples who are passionate about each other are generally happier and couples who are happier generally have more sex. It’s a brilliant circle to get wound up in but like most things it can take some effort to (re)kick-start and maintain.
The Mentally Sexy Competition has grown to encompass a lot more than just this but it does have its origin in these ideas. To see the post where it all started click here.
Do you agree with any of these ideas or think it’s a bunch of psychobabble? Do you feel like pulling on a pair of rubber gloves to clean the toilet and romanticize your life or do you feel like punching a hole in the computer screen?
You can do either of those things. Or you can just tap gently on your keyboard and voice your opinion here. And then check out Fatherhood Friday at Dad Exchange.