There is a dog lying on the floor behind me moulting as fast as I’m typing. Do I care? No. Because I have a robotic vacuum named Wilson. He will kill the dog and bury it.

Just kidding. Wilson will simply make the hair disappear once I have killed the dog and buried it.

Just kidding. I hate digging holes. I’ll get Reservoir Mum to bury the dog in an undisclosed location.

Just kidding. I don’t like people who keep secrets. So I will disclose the location.

If you want to pay your respects to the moulting dog I murdered go to the KP Hardiman Reserve – where Reservoir Mum buried it – and look for a cross I made out of icy-pole sticks.

Just kidding. I hate doing craft (mainly because I hate using clag – ugh). So I’ll get my kids to make the cross. Yes! Disposing of the dog became a real family affair. We are planning to make it an annual event! 

Just kidding. To avoid the effort involved in murdering other moulting animals I am going to replace the dog with a hairless cat, similar to Mr Bigglesworth.

The point is I already have a very good Robotic Vacuum and while I appreciate the gift of the very effective and very sexy looking Robomaid RM-770, Wilson has been so jealous of her shiny red exterior and matching docking station that I simply cannot keep her.

He sulks when I turn her over to fix the microfiber mopping attachment to her sleek undercarriage, and docks himself in disgust when I try to run them both at the same time.

But most of all he hates the way I look at her as she buzzes around our hardwood floors and so he’s put his foot down. Regretfully, that saucy little sucker must go to a new home.

If you want your own Robomaid RM-770 you only have to like the Reservoir Dad Facebook Page and then leave a comment beneath this post linking in your favourite funny video, song, picture, act, saying, whatever.

Whoever makes me laugh most wins!

Follow the prompts in the box below. Competition ends Friday 6th, 6pm. Winner announced Saturday morning on the Reservoir Dad Facebook Page.

*The Robomaid Prize was trialed only once – and just for the articles.

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