The days run in to one another with such rhythmic pulsing consistency and are so packed with kid-related and general life activity that the weeks can fly by as you approach an important date and it’s not until it’s right on top of you that you stop and think, ‘Shit, that thing we’ve been talking about is happening tomorrow!’

We first noticed the lump on Maki’s back when he was three months old. Of course we worried it was something significant and so got it checked out with our fingers crossed against the big C.

The initial diagnosis was that it was a lipoma (a benign tumor composed of adipose tissue) but to be sure we checked in with a specialist a few times over several months. They stuck with the lipoma diagnosis while allowing for just enough uncertainty to keep us worried. Generally, lipomas are surrounded by a barrier – like a capsule – but that wasn’t showing up on Maki’s ultrasounds.

The other thing we had to take into account was that it would continue to grow at the same rate as Maki. So that small harmless lump of fat on his back could weigh in at a few kilograms if we didn’t agree to surgery and have it removed. And we didn’t want to risk him being shipped off to Sudan and sold as a camel.

We booked in for the surgery last year, on the specialist’s advice that it’s better to operate when kids are young – they handled anaesthesia better, recover more quickly from surgery and have less scarring.

Reservoir Mum and I have discussed the lump and the surgery dozens of times over the months and thought about it a lot privately and this week have been organising and preparing for Maki to go in to hospital but it was only a few hours ago, since the kids have gone to sleep, and the house has had a bit of a clean, and I’ve sat down in front of the computer that it’s really hit me…

My youngest boy is going in for surgery tomorrow. And even though it’s only a small, and apparently simple operation, I don’t feel very good about it. I’m worried.

So while I’m sitting here worrying about him, and doing my best not to imagine worst case scenarios, I thought I’d use the old distraction technique on myself and put together a little photographic tribute to him.

Maki

MakiAndMe

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Maki3

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Maki7

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maki-brothers

makis-first-bday

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Picture_017

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Makis-first-mumanddad

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Maki5

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Maki6

And A Photographic Tribute To Maki