I’m delighted to have been asked, along with 9 other fellow Aussie Daddy Bloggers to take part in a Fantasy Fathers day Challenge where one of us can WIN a day out courtesy of Magshop.
Here’s the thing though, you can WIN a monthly magazine subscription courtesy of us, the Aussie Daddy Bloggers. All the details are below. Here is my entry for the Fantasy Fathers Day Competition.
The Best Fathers Day/Family Photo Shoot Ever!
I wake to the screams of my four young boys as they launch themselves from various angles and heights to descend upon me in the most excruciating fashion, but despite the rush of adrenalin I get from the utter paralysing shock of it, my limbs hold on to a stubborn dullness that suggests I slept very well, and as I peek through a dense woodland of limbs and hair and pyjama-clad bodies to the bedside clock beside me, I have my suspicions confirmed – it’s 7am; I have slept in by almost two hours.
One of the eight clamouring knees manages to connect with the very delicate region that helped create it, which coaxes my slumbering limbs into action, and within second I have subdued my four boys with the most devastating weapon in my Dad-arsenal – the tickle fingers.
Reservoir Mum hands them the collection of handmade cards and school made presents and we look at each one enthusiastically until a big breakfast hits me on the lap and I weep silently, overwhelmed by the life-affirming odour and flavour of butter-fried eggs and slightly undercooked bacon.
As the final slither of slimy pig is gliding down my throat Reservoir Mum says, ‘The limo will be here in five minutes,’ and we’re up and charging to the wardrobe where our Reservoir Dogs imitation suits – supplied by the most expensive suit shop in Australia – are hanging.
‘Let’s just keep this simple,’ our driver, Quentin Tarantino says as he takes us into the city. ‘We’ve got the best of the best of the best photographers meeting us in one of the oldest most notorious back alleys in Melbourne – you’re not anyone until you’ve been killed in that alley. The photographers name is Alan Moyle but he’s known to the underground bigwigs as Photobat. If he tells you to look directly into the lens, man, you make sure you look directly into that fucking lens.’
‘Okay Quentin!’ I scream, all keyed up and eager to please.
When we pull into the alley, the Limo rumbles over the blood-stained eighteenth century cobblestones and the day is suitably overcast; the wispiest annoying rain finds its way through the buildings to squint our eyes and force our expressions into a tough-guy frown.
As we step from the Limo we see the infamous Photobat sitting about twenty meters away on a chair backed up against the dead-end wall and when he raises the bazooka-style lens of his camera to take his focus, Reservoir Mum says, melodramatically and with flair, ‘Do it boys.’
And suddenly we’re walking towards him – me, Archie, Lewis, Tyson, Maki – our suits charged to scary-cool, out jet-black sunglasses screaming our thespian-superskills to the producers of Underbelly and House Husbands. The sound of machine gun fire is the camera collecting hundreds of images with every single footfall.
Once we reach him, Photobat rises from the chair and moves it forward, beckoning Reservoir Mum to take a seat with an authoritative wave of his hand, and suddenly Quentin is beside us with a length of rope, a mouth-gag, and a supersized toolbox.
The sound of Photobat’s machine-gun continues to rebound from the age-old redbrick walls as we gag Reservoir Mum expertly and tie her securely to the chair and then circle her in a menacing but loving way, holding up various implements including pliers, bolt-cutters, chainsaws, nail-guns and tiny pieces of lego, as the laughter of Quentin Tarantino echoes out to the furthest suburbs and wakes even the most heavily-phenergened babies from their sleep.
‘How was that, RD?’ Quentin asks, as he backs the Limo out of the alley, to take us to an all expenses paid lunch at Melbourne’s most over-priced restaurant (which also has a selection of sweet pokies).
‘That, Quentin,’ I say, my voice torn thin with emotion. ‘Was the best family photo shoot, and the best Father’s Day experience ever.’
When I turn to Reservoir Mum and ask, ‘What did you think?’ she responds with an enthusiastic ‘umph, umph’ through the gag in her mouth and lifts her left shoulder in a way that suggests she would give us all a high-five if her arms weren’t bound by fifty meters of wharf-rope, and so I lean over and kiss her, appreciatively, on the cheek just to hear Quentin say, ‘Awww.’
Thanks for reading and now it’s up to you to decide who will win the Fantasy Fathers day prize. That’s all happening over on the Fantasy Father’s Day Competition page where you can Vote and Share your favorite, hopefully me! Remember to vote each day by clicking on this link – Magshop Fantasy Father’s Day Voting Page
If I happen to win I will use my prize to hire Photobat (click here to visit his website) to make those fantasy family pics a reality!
Also, here’s where you get the chance to Win. Just answer the simple question below and go into the draw to WIN a Magshop Magazine subscription from us Aussie Daddy Bloggers. Don’t forget to Vote and Share!