We found ourselves wandering through an unfamiliar backyard when Maki, Tyson, Lewis and Archie just happened to sit on the classy park bench like they’d been choreographing the scene for months and I said, ‘Hey RM, have you been taking the boys to flash mob classes or something?’ and RM said, ‘Quick, get the camera’ and I knew right away that she sounded snake-bitten and panicky because the boys were sitting so photographically in order from youngest to oldest and smallest to tallest. They had expressions of cool disinterest like the boy bands of old (before One Direction came along to ruin everything) who could actually dance and had the capacity to take themselves way too seriously.

Trying to manipulate them into positions like that in the past has been an abject failure and so this was like throwing four dice and landing four sixes or holding four Aces in a game of poker or winning a quadrella in the Melbourne Cup or cracking open one egg to find four yokes and… you’re probably getting my point already but here’s one more – it was like giving birth to a boy with four testicles. You get the camera out and take a photo and text it to everyone right quick, before one of the boys move or the baby has corrective surgery.

I think I was the one who stuffed it up and that was only because I was so awed by the scene in front of me. I took that extra moment too many to whisper, ‘They could be just like the Jackson 5… now that Michaels dead’ and that’s when Tyson erupted with his usual Take That attitude and broke from the band to go in search of a solo career, ala Robbie Williams, and though we made several attempts to recover the situation and to reform the group for the perfect photo it was about as likely as saving a beached whale by threatening to punch it in the blowhole.

You’ll see what I mean…


Attempt 1


‘Tys, sit back again. And… please… we just want one photo. Close your mouth and… tighten your face.’


Attempt 2


‘Okay… don’t tighten your face… relax it. Show Mummy your beautiful smile.’


Attempt 3


Come on mate! Please! We just want one photo. Look at me, see how my face looks? SHow me how my face looks.’


Attempt 4


(shit) ‘Very good. Now do my face without the camera.’


Attempt 5



”You know exaclty what you’re doing, don’t you…’


Attempt 6


‘You got the moves like Jagger!!’


Attempt 7


‘Oh my god! You better stop Tys, or you’re gunna make me dance!’


Attempt 8


(Clicking my fingers to the ‘Peaches and Herb’ classic. See vid below for reference) ‘Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah! Show em how we do it now!’

RM: ‘Tys, just sit back down and if you can sit still and smile nicely for one photo you can play the iPad for a little while when we get home.’


Attempt 10


Good enough!