Fellow blogger and good mate Jolene from Jolene’s Mumbo Jumbo shared an impressive article on her Facebook page that currently has 3,600 shares. Huge!
The article focuses on a study that claims that women need more sleep than men and encourages men to force their women back to bed if they’re acting a little sad or grumpy.
And, as often happens when these kinds of studies are picked up by major publications, it’s being accepted as hard fact by many. I’m guessing there are a lot of women dragging their men to the computer, poking the screen violently with their index finger and screaming, ‘SEE! I told you!’ before falling face-first into their keyboards like a narcoleptic who’s just chugged down a warm Phernergan milkshake.
You might be picking up on the fact that I’m a tad sceptical about the whole thing.
This less than comprehensive study involved a massive 210 people who were most likely asked to complete a survey asking them how many hours sleep they were getting and how ‘they were feeling’ as a result. Pfft.
So, even though it can lead to some fun back-and-forth between the sexes in social media land and fill Facebook Pages and messages boards with crazy dancing fist-pumping emoticons, and even get shared alongside classic YouTube vids like Justin Beiber’s little red Leprechaun jumping out of a Limo into the arms of a body-guard routine, it’s just not a reliable source of information. In fact you’d be better off going to a drunk David Hasslehof as he’s spilling the majority of his cheeseburger on to his daughter’s bedroom floor and asking him how much sleep women need.
What irks me the most though is when they get the expert in to rattle off a few stereotypes like “women are multi-taskers (and men aren’t) and therefore use more of their brain and therefore need more sleep. Lah-dee-dah. Hi Mum!”
So in the spirit of the ridiculous I’ve taken the original article and put my own spin on it, leaning heavily on gender role stereotypes to make my point and incite outrage as all the successful newspapers and online media outlets do.
First though, here’s a couple of snippets from the original article shared on Jolene’s Mumbo Jumbo –
Duke University Scientists Find Women Need More Sleep Than Men
IF THE woman in your life woke up grumpy this morning, don’t be too hard on her. It is, apparently, only natural.
Scientists at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina have discovered that women need more sleep than men. And chances are, she’s not getting enough.
In fact the best thing a loving husband or partner can do is perhaps persuade her to get a few extra hours snuggling under the duvet. Or face the consequences.
This is not the first time experts have suggested that women need more sleep than men.
One of Britain’s leading authorities on sleep found that women actually need 20 minutes more shut-eye. This is because of the female multi-tasking brain.
*Full article here.
I’m assuming that most of the people who shared Jolene’s status updates are women (apart from me). So I’m looking forward to seeing who shares my take on the article below.
Study Finds That Men Need More Sex Than Women
IF THE man in your life woke up grumpy this morning, don’t be too hard on him. It is, apparently, only natural.
Scientists at Aussie Daddy Blogger University in Melbourne’s Northern Suburbs have discovered that men need more sex than women. And chances are, he’s not getting enough.
In fact the best thing a loving wife or partner can do is perhaps persuade him to get under the duvet so she can throw the leg over. Or face the consequences.
Scientists say men suffer more than women, both mentally and physically, if they are forced to skimp on sex.
As well as a higher risk of heart disease, depression and psychological problems, sex-deprived men have extra clotting factors in their blood, which can lead to a stroke
About two million Australians suffer from unwilling celibacy. They also have higher inflammation markers, which indicate developing health problems.
As inflammation markers are also linked to pain, sex expert Dr Reservoir Dad explained that men can literally be in more pain when they wake up. That’s enough to make any bloke feel rather grumpy.
By contrast, the state of a woman’s health does not appear to be closely linked to how much they have sex.
In the study, women showed no increased risk of developing the ailments that affect men when they are sex deprived.
“We found that men had more depression, men had more anger, and men had more hostility early in the morning,” said Dr Reservoir Dad.
If this sounds like someone you know, it can probably be blamed on sex deprivation and the fact that men are particularly susceptible to the effects. What does Dr Reservoir Dad advise?
If you don’t manage to get enough sex at night, try taking strategic intercourse.
However, he warned that those sessions of sex should be either 25 minutes or 90 minutes long. Any other length will make the sex deprived man feel worse when they wake, he said.
This is not the first time experts have suggested that men need more sex than women.
One of Bundoora’s leading authorities on sex found that men actually need 20 minutes more sex every day. This is because of the male mono-tasking brain.
“One of the major functions of sex is to allow the male brain to recover and repair itself,” said Professor Bucky from Tackle Nappy, director of the Sex Research Centre in the Northern Suburbs of Melbourne.
“During deep sex, the male cortex disengages from the senses and goes into recovery mode.
“The less multi-tasking you do during the day, the more stimulation you need to recover and, consequently, the more sex you need.
“Men tend to mono-task – they do one thing at a time and are inflexible – and so they focus more on one point of their brain than women do. Because of that, their sex need is greater.
“A woman who has a monotonous job that involves a lot repetition and a focus on one soul-destroying task may also need more sex than the average male – though probably still not as much as a men.”