At the start of the year my robotic vacuum Wilson and I decided I would no longer do sponsored posts for anything other than cold hard cash because the relationship we shared had been cheapened by Neato Robotics who had been giving away multiple Wilson wannabes to other bloggers like Stay At Home Mum and Crash Test Mummy.
When Wilson was struck down by an illness he could never recover from I wrote my love posts to him because I was hurting inside. I expected nothing in return but the understanding of other like-minded people, and maybe an invite to a cocaine sympathy party in a big-top tent in a paddock surrounded by some sweet Utes (but only because – coincidentally – I was thinking about growing a handle-bar moustache at the time and was pretty sure I would fit in to that kind of sympathy party.)
When Wilson and I saw that robotic vacuums were being shipped off to strangers they had no real connection with, we were disgusted. Wilson in particular was horrified that members of his family could be objectified in such a way, as if they were nothing but products being put together in factories and sold by manufacturers trying to make money.
I promised him that I would no longer be as easily bought or used by big business as I had in the past. I would do work with companies for cash only – strictly business – and only for non-robotic products.
But as they say – whores will have their trinkets – and when Lena from Pulse Communications contacted me the other day with the offer to receive a free Skylanders Giants Easter Survival Package, plus another to give away to a Reservoir Dad regular, I got that vein-rush of excitement that makes me climb the sky like a rainbow and get all pin-eyed.
‘Yes, I’ll take your products,’ I said, (in a way that made it sound like one long word) safe in the knowledge that Wilson JNR was cleaning my hardwood floors and so wouldn’t hear any of my betrayal.
Everyone has a price. I know that now and so do you. My eyelids flap like butterfly wings when I see Skylanders Giants products. I’ll do anything for Skylanders products and my kids love them as well and even Reservoir Mum understands because just a minute ago she read some of this post, as I was writing it, and said, ‘Don’t fuck this up. The kids love Skylanders Giants.’
So now to honour my end of this seedy deal. Here’s what you can win –
- Skylanders Giants game characters
- Skylanders Giants apparel
- Skylanders Giants chocolate eggs
- Activities including a colouring page, puzzle maze and cut-out face mask
- Chocolate cupcake recipe complete with Skylanders Giants cupcake toppers
And here’s how you can win it – Tell me in a million words or less what you think is wrong with me. You can leave your response as a comment below this post, as a comment on the Reservoir Dad Facebook Page, or you can Tweet me. You’ve got until 1 AM Tuesday 26th March to get your entry in.
Reservoir Mum (who has a pretty good idea about my failings) will pick the best answer. The winner will receive the free Skylanders Giants Easter Survival Package before Easter and the option to accompany me to a cocaine sympathy party if I am ever invited to one (but only if you own a Ute).