I was busting to go to the toilet but kept getting distracted by Maki who needed a nappy change and some food and then some comfort after being freaked out by a bug and Lewis was in one of his moods and wouldn’t get dressed and Archie was asking to play Minecraft because he had to kill a whole lot of zombie pigmen and Tyson was getting all loud and disruptive and hungry-crazy but refusing to eat his breakfast and when I managed to sit and force feed him Maki took his nappy off and kept creeping back to the place he’d seen the bug over and over again crying out Daddy bug Daddy bug Daddy bug which caused me to spill Nutri-Grains on my boxer shorts and as I squealed at the milk leaking between the button holes to the still warm and sleepy gonads below and developed a stutter from saying the bug’s squashed the bug’s squashed the bugs squashed a quiet rage grew inside me and noticing that Lewis was still undressed I left Maki and Tyson to the will of the Gods and stood over Lewis with my fists balled beside me saying Get dressed get dressed get dressed until finally he had a t-shirt on which allowed the repetitive background noise mine pig zombie please kill craft… craft kill zombie mine men pig… can I kill zombie pig mine craft… to turn me into a flaming ball of Rain Man with eyes closed and ears covered saying No iPad Archie No iPad Archie No iPad Archie and now an hour has passed since I was busting to go to the toilet and I honestly can’t remember if I’ve gone already or if the need has just receded for a while, bubbling over, waiting to arise again, with even greater force like a dormant volcano.