The Ascent Of Man

  • Friday, 16 July 2010
  • Posted in Reservoir Dad
  • Show Me Yours I'll Show You Mine


    Monday 12 July, 7.25pm

    Although I am trying to wrap up the adventures of The Naughtiest Ever Fairy so that I can get Archie and Lewis to sleep I’m distracted when Lewis refers to the fairy as a ‘him’ and because he still struggles a little with the whole she/he and him/her thing I decide that I have be consistent in pointing out the difference.

    ‘The Fairy is a girl, Lewy, so you say her. Girls are her. Boys are him. Girls and boys are different…’

    Lewis nods as Archie asks, ‘Why are they different?’

    ‘… well, there’s the Y Chromosome and the X chromo…’ I begin, before it occurs to me that with three boys in the house and no girls Reservoir Mum is the only physical example of the differences between men and women and I have a flashback to Archie’s desperate search to find Mummy’s willy when he was only two-years-old. Without needing to explain it to a two-year-old I told him, at the time, that Mummy was deformed and put the discussion away for a later date. The date has finally arrived.

    ‘What do you have between your legs, Arch?’ I say.

    ‘Undies,’ he says.

    ‘What’s inside your undies?’

    ‘A willy?’

    ‘Yep,’ I say, 'And what does a girl have between her legs?’

    ‘Vines?’ he says. I’m surprised to hear that Archie has at least the first letter correct. Some outside (probably school ground) tutoring as been going on.

    ‘What? That would be gross,’ I say, as I get an image of Sigourney Weaver crossed with The Predator. I decide to give him a couple of syllable head-start.

    ‘Vagi…’ I say, ‘Vaagiii…’

    ‘Vagines?’ he says.

    ‘No, vagina.’

    ‘Vagina!’ he screams, punching a fist in the air.

    Thursday 16 July, 7.45am

    Reservoir Mum is in the process of getting ready for work and is only semi-dressed and as I walk past the open bathroom door I overhear a conversation between her and Archie.

    ‘What’s that called again?’ Archie asks.

    ‘A vagina,’ Reservoir Mum says.

    There is a pause before I hear Archie yell vagina! with the same gusto he did on Monday night and what strikes me, apart from the fact that Archie’s sex education has well and truly begun, is that although I have been conditioned over time to keep the joyous scream appropriately hidden, my response to the word vagina is comparable to that a five-year-old boys… in fact pretty much the same.

    Comments (7)

    • Keith


      16 July 2010 at 05:27 |
      My boys are 6 and 7 and I'm not sure they know the word vagina. I think I called it a "nooner" HAHA! Got that from an SNL skit :-) I should probably go ahead and teach them some real vocabulary before they get that stuck permanently in their little heads.
    • Sars


      16 July 2010 at 07:05 |
      The one we're saving up for our daughter's 21st is the statement she made at about 19 mths old while in the shower with her dad.. *pointing* "Daddy got a tail" ahhhhh still makes me laugh!
    • Reservoir Dad

      Reservoir Dad

      17 July 2010 at 08:10 |
      Hey Keith and Sars.

      I've never heard of nooner but I reckon it really suits and your boys should just stay with that term forever.

      Daddy's got a tail. Now that's a classic.
    • SurprisedMom


      17 July 2010 at 09:51 |
      "... I told him at the time Mummy was deformed ... " I was hysterical!

      I'm trying to forget that my girls even know the word penis, because 19 and 16 my children are at a scary age . . . for parents. I remember that hormones run rampant in both sexes.

      It's good that you're enthusiastic. :)
    • Reservoir Dad

      Reservoir Dad

      18 July 2010 at 08:48 |
      Yep, that's a whole world of worry I haven't got to yet. It's only a matter of time...
    • beta dad

      beta dad

      18 July 2010 at 22:26 |
      I'm dreading the day we have to have that conversation. With twin girls and a female dog, I'm afraid it's me who is the "deformed" one.
    • stefan


      22 July 2010 at 12:58 |
      it's just one of those words you need to shout, i guess.

    Leave a comment

    You are commenting as guest. Optional login below.

    Follow Reservoir Dad