I’ve been listening to ‘I’d Like To Get To Know You Well‘ by Howard Jones for about four days straight and I have no way to reason myself away from playing it again. It’s on repeat right now – I’m youtubing – and every word written in this post will be affected by it’s sweet melody. I’ve accepted that fact and surrendered.

Last week I asked the Reservoir Dad Facebook fans to suggest potential interviewees for me for 2013. Every suggestion was great and I got a skittery huntsman-spider-like thrill thinking of going one-on-one with the likes of  Brad Pitt, Danni Minogue, Rhonda and Ketut, Johhnie Depp and Amanda Keller.

But what got me even more excited than the idea of celebrity interviews was the suggestions put forward to probe the less tinselly kind of person. Leonie Percival thought I should interview the guy who mans the undies stall at the Preston Market. Amanda Watts suggested ‘someone real who struggles just like us’. And Chris Gibbons suggested himself. It’s impossible to deny they’re great ideas! But here’s the spooky prologue to this story…

As 2013 drew its first breath I was being enthused by an idea which led to the first New Years Resolution I’d made in 39 years. (Long time readers who start hyperventilating when I have a new idea should follow protocol – click over to this website, write your name in the snow with you own pee, and then come back with an awareness of your inner strength).

My 2013 New Years Resolution: I want to get to know everyone well.

Without putting too much thought into it the possibility of interviewing everyone seemed the best way to get to know everyone well and it was shortly after committing to this that I talked to a wise man (Reservoir Father In Law) who uttered these profound words – Small talk is shit – and then, only four days ago, I was driving to the shops and I’d Like To Get To Know You Well came on to the radio, out of nowhere, and these lyrics put me into a kind of trance… don’t want to talk about the weather, don’t want to talk about the news, just want to get to the real you inside.

That’s synchronicity man! That’s a freaking sign that this idea has legs!

Funny-Interview-QuestionsI want to interview you, hard. There will be no easy questions. You may feel uncomfortable. You might suffer from temporary bowel problems. You may gain a little weight, or lose a little, or be diagnosed with narcolepsy after falling asleep in your soup. But just remember, we will be much closer when this whole thing is over. And, more importantly, this desire to probe comes from a pure place. My heart chakra knows everyone already, you see? And all I want is for that truth to be actualised.

So, before this trip ends I’ll commit to opening myself up as well. You have a question for me? Something a little edgy? Something a little risky? Something that’ll test me? Don’t censor yourself. Leave your question as a comment at the end of this post and I’ll do a collation post and name names and answer every question.

Here’s the thing though. There are no limits and no restriction to these interviews. I don’t care if you’re a single man living alone in a flat, a mansion mother of a gazillion kids being raised by a dozen nannies, a member of boy band contemplating a solo career, a computer programmer stuck in the same office for the past ten years, a footballer suffering under the weight of your sexuality, a man frightened by the strengths of his gender, a woman motivated beyond the expectations of others, a troller who desperately wants to show me I’m full of shit, a banker, an angry person, a tightwad who goes to Phuket and barters a blow-up dolphin down from $1.20 (AUS) to $1.00 (AUS), a silent person, Gary Sweet, a human with one thing they’ve been dying to say for ever, or one of those very strange humans who has the bizarre belief that they are ordinary and have nothing to say.

If you have even the tiniest buzz for life and want to join my growing list of interviewees send an email to reservoirdad@gmail.com  with this list of criteria:

  1. A pivotal picture (past or present) of yourself, or an image that affects you deeply in some way.
  2. What’s something you thought you WOULD have done by now?
  3. What upsets you most about the world?
  4. Why do you love THAT person so much?
  5. What has been the highest and lowest point on your life graph so far?

Once I get that we’ll know each other a little better and I’ll be able to interview you properly. You will receive five personalised questions. Take as long as you want to answer them, then send them back and I will give you the date your interview will appear on the website. I will also ask you to provide me with any blogs, websites, products etc that you would like me to link to.

There may be times when your response inspires another question and I reserve the right to ask you that question.

As a possible bonus I want you to know that I have pressured the Universe to provide each interviewee with a small gift. I’m sure that will be forthcoming. And now, to round this post out…

I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a strange one, that I’m a bit of a dreamer, that I should get a job, that I’d look much nicer with hair. I want you to keep that in mind as I tell you this…

I believe this idea will reach beyond you and me. I see a thousand of these interviews screaming out of a massive coffee table book, all glossy and glorious and great. I see egos blossoming because of this, wonderful friendships forming, interviewees spontaneously appearing on the telly, money being distributed more equally, heart chakras opening up all over the world….

Call me what you want. I’ll be waiting by my inbox. Just to hear your ping.