(Today’s training brief is provided by Jack Ellis)

Bottom feeder league history was made this week when star centre half back Linden (The Stoat) was inducted to the Playgroup Victoria League (PVL) Hall Of Fame along with such notables as Jimmy ‘The Limp’ Gasket, ‘Past His Prime’ Pete and the little girl from the kinder surprise ads. It’s no surprise to his Guinea Pigs teammates as his excellent play had been instrumental in keeping them off the bottom of the ladder in recent game against The Anglican Church Mother’s Group, The Northcote Nanas and The Fyansford Over Fifties.

And The Northern Dads Group Guinea Pigs will need all the momentum they can get with this weeks upcoming game against the Heidelberg Librarians, famous for their silent and stealthy mode of play, and their gripping battle cry of “SSSSHHHHH!”

‘The Librarians like to play by the book”, said Linden in a pre-recorded interview “but we refuse to be left on the shelf – we’re no Dewey-eyed newcomers, and a good result is well overdue. I’m sure we’ll be fine until half time, when they’ll take of their glasses, shake their long, dark, flowing hair from their tight, repressive hair buns and… what were we talking about, again?”

Linden’s investiture in the Hall Of Fame was celebrated in typical form by the Guinea Pigs in a wild, post game party at Crown Casino, with games of pass the parcel, generous helpings of fairy bread and lashings of ginger pop. Rumors that several players are under investigation for a late night red-cordial related incident at a local nightclub are being hotly denied by the league.

Below is the Linden’s Hall Of Fame induction ceremony.