Do you prefer blondes, brunettes or redheads? It’s the sort of humorous, passable question a man might be asked when sitting with mates at a pub or a BBQ. It’s a question that sits alongside other heated and debatable classics like, ‘If you switched bodies with a woman for 24 hours, would you have sex with yourself?’

As a question it’s more of a party joke. Purposefully void of any real context, it exists outside the real world and allows us to put aside a number of variables – like personality, intelligence and sense of humor – that may weigh in on our decision.

In short, it’s a stupid question. And not meant to be taken too seriously.

That’s why I was slightly freaked when I Googled ‘blondes versus brunettes’ and found a bunch of actual ‘studies’ on the subject. Apparently, men and women who have dedicated a hell of a lot of money and a massive chuck of their lives to achieve the exalted title of Scientist are now asking the same questions that Uni students ask as they vomit on each other at parties and bump uglies in between marathon sculling games.

Here’s some other blonde versus brunette party questions with a few added specifics (actual people). I’ve added my answers to them –

scarlett_johanssonQuestion – Would you prefer to have sex with Scarlet Johansen (blonde) or Angelina Jolie (brunette)?

Answer – I would be weeping with happiness just because it would be one or the other.

Question – Would you prefer to have sex with Scarlet Johansen
(blonde) or Susan Boyle (brunette)?

susan-boyleAnswer – I can confidently make that choice on behalf of all men and I assure you that hair color has absolutely nothing to do with it.

But even with actual people involved we’re still no closer to forming a serious ‘real world’ question, let alone a hypothesis to pique the attention of a scientist. Why? Firstly, most men will never meet the women in question or get to know them as individuals. Secondly, as we’re not considering real ‘whole’ people when answering these questions we have no choice but to fall back on stereotypes.

Stereotypes make life easy. They allow us to assume certain things about people without having to resort to the time-consuming chore of getting to know them. They comfort us with the belief that the world is ordered and predictable and ours to control.

The classic blonde stereotype is the one who is giggly, innocent, fun, gullible, wide-eyed and, most importantly, an easy lay. Maybe that’s why some men will immediately answer blonde – we’re generally not considering long term relationships and the question is heavily prefaced with sex.

What if we add some other elements to the question – on a physical level let’s add bust size, skin tone, height, weight and the presence or absence of cankles. For Mullet_Blonde-Wigthe non-physical let’s add level of education, common interests, sense of humor, whether or not she likes to drown kittens and – based on these and another thousand variables – whether or not you actually like her.

All of a sudden the importance of hair color becomes such a side issue that it’s almost irrelevant.

PS – My answer to the other question in the first paragraph is yes.

*Originally written for morningquickie.com