Author: Reservoir Dad

How To Turn A Steering Wheel Into A Pretzel

Lewis and the Terrible 1.5s I turn around quickly in response to the tingling in my spine that warns me Lewis is up to something and after taking a step back into the space I had just occupied, I realise that it’s been way too long since my last shower – two maybe three days – and there’s Lewis in front of the lollies by the cash register. He’s taking the Crunchie bars out of their box and placing them in a pile at his feet. The impulse is there to run and repack the delicious, sparkly-wrapped chocolates as...

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How To Turn A Steering Wheel Into A Pretzel (Copy)

Lewis and the Terrible 1.5s I turn around quickly in response to the tingling in my spine that warns me Lewis is up to something and after taking a step back into the space I had just occupied, I realise that it’s been way too long since my last shower – two maybe three days – and there’s Lewis in front of the lollies by the cash register. He’s taking the Crunchie bars out of their box and placing them in a pile at his feet. The impulse is there to run and repack the delicious, sparkly-wrapped chocolates as...

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The Deformity of Reservoir Mum

The Deformity of Reservoir Mum Seems to me that kids start having body issues as soon as they’re fully aware that they have one. Tyson held his hand up today and looked at it for a good ten seconds. Going by the look on his four-month-old face, it wouldn’t have surprised me to hear him screaming ‘Get it off me, its eating my arm!’ When I tickled his foot to calm him down he smiled and giggled while his eyes said, “Dad, where the hell is that sensation coming from?” “You should be a bit more concerned that your...

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The Reservoir Animal Lovers Society

Seems that a lot of people think I hate animals and that I’m a bit heartless and that I should be falling into line and getting all gaga over Buckley the Dog, Sam the Koala, Bibi and Raden – the hot underwear model. (An aside – a fair number of hits since this post have come from Google searches like ‘Raden in his see-through underwear’, and the even more mirthful ‘transsexual blogpost’.) I want to set the record straight. I don’t hate underwear -shit- I mean, animals. I’ve always had pets. Archie, Lewis and Tyson have pets and will...

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A Shit Sandwhich

A Shit Sandwhich This post is for all the halfwits (mostly complete strangers) who continue to imply that our family is somehow incomplete. In fact, this post is an open letter to three halfwits in particular – the tooth-challenged woman at the DVD store who asked what the sex of Tyson was and then tilted her head and said, “Awww, you missed out on a girl”. It’s for the baby-faced Real Estate agent who said, “So, time to try for a girl again?” And it’s for the obese Nanna who stopped us on the way out of Archie’s Kindergarten...

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